Friday, March 14, 2014

I Have Come To The Conclusion

I have come to the conclusion that I am actually a terrible blogger. I want so badly to get my thoughts onto paper. I literally have three or four blog posts that I'm writing in my head at any given time. I could write about our amazing week at Disneyland. I could go into a huge long rant of all the weight issues we've been having with Lincoln and the fight to continue to breast feed. I could talk about how I am addicted to oil pulling. I could write a super sentimental post about how my Monster is growing too quickly and although his 6th birthday was a huge success, I really just miss him being my tiny little baby.

I have found that I just don't manage my time enough to do this regularly. I post for myself mostly anyways, you just get to come along for the ride. Being an EOD wife and being alone a lot, raising two kids, staying at home and keeping the house in order, just takes my priority and sadly this blog gets pushed to the side.

I hope to start blogging about our venture into the Paleo lifestyle. I have always had an issue with gluten, but ever since Christmas it has gotten much worse. If I eat more than a few bites of gluten my body now reacts violently. I feel that if I blog about it I am keeping myself accountable.

Maybe if I could figure out how to schedule posts it would be a bit easier. Write when I have a moment and then send it out whenever.

I need my outlet. My writing is an escape of sorts. I just need to figure out how to get everything in order.

Any tips?

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

21DSD Day 3

Today was much better than yesterday as far as cravings go. I made a slightly better cup of coffee, but only had enough time this morning to guzzle down half my cup because we were running out the door. Aiden was not late to school and we weren't late to Lincoln's appointment so that is an accomplishment in my book.

My kids on the other hand were a bit of a stressor for me today. Aiden had a hard day at home and at school with listening and following directions so when we got home he did his homework (extra slowly to prolong his tiny bit of freedom) and then spent the rest of the day in his room grounded. In our house when Aiden is "grounded" it means that he is in his room, on his bed, reading books. Not really a terrible punishment because this kid is a bookworm. He did also lose his video game privileges on Sunday (the only day we really allow him to play on the Xbox) and he was sent to bed an hour earlier than normal.

For lunch I really had no idea what I wanted to eat. Nothing really sounded good at all. Ethan always cooks a batch of chicken Sunday for the week so I knew I had a pre-made meal if I could just figure out what I wanted with it. Upon further searching I found that I wanted nachos. The good kind with everything on it. So I made myself a little healthy ghetto nacho bowl - minus the nachos. Chicken breast, guacamole, sour cream, and cheese, with some salt, pepper, and chipotle chili powder. It was way better than I expected it to be! Only after I had shoveled everything in my mouth, did I realize that salad mix would have been amazing as well. So that'll probably end up being tomorrow's lunch as well.

Ethan is out in the field tonight and I didn't really feel like cooking anything major so we had breakfast for dinner again. Eggs with cheese and some bacon.

Something I did discover today. My emotions are going a bit crazy. I cried while watching Tangled this afternoon and teared up looking at pictures of random people's babies. I saw a picture on Facebook of a mom doing skin on skin contact with her triplet girls. They were so cute and teeny! For some crazy reason it made my heart and my uterus ache. Ummmm hello?! I have a 7 month old that takes all the attention at the moment. There can be no more baby fever in this house for a while. Gotta suppress that shit.

Another discovery I have made this afternoon...coconut butter. Holy goodness it is super amazing! Like how have I gone this long and never tasted it before? I want to put it on EVERYTHING. I hope that my new found love for this stuff will help curb any cravings I have during this whole detox shindig.

I also have a headache. Not sure if it's from the detox or if it's from my children. Aiden was trying at every chance he got to weasel his way out of his room and Lincoln is still sick/teething which means he's super fussy. As tired as I am, I don't think I'll be getting to bed early tonight. I never can sleep when Ethan is gone. never have been able to. I complain about his snoring to him all the time, but when he's gone I guess it's too quiet in the room or something. I dunno. Basically I'm saying I love the man and can't live without him. All that mushy lovesick crap.

Speaking of littlest needs a diaper change. Oh the life of a mom. Fun stuff :-)

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

21DSD Day 2

So I'm honestly not really feeling it today. I'm not having cravings, more I just to emotionally eat. Which is probably just as bad. No worse.

Lincoln was woken up at 2:00 am by Ethan rolling him over because he was coughing in his sleep and Ethan thought he was choking. Sweet that he was trying to save his son's life (so he thought?) butttttt then Link decided it was time to wake up and play. Yayyyyyy. With Ethan having to leave for work at 4:30 am and me being the nice wife that I am, I got my warm and cozy self out of bed and took the baby into the living room so that Daddy could sleep. What I thought would be a quick "Oh look these toys are cool, but I'd rather nurse and fall asleep" thing turned into an hour and a half of Link playing in his playpen while I tried read my Kindle and not to pass out from exhaustion. I'm stupid. I should've just slept in the living room while he played.

Anyways, once we were finally in bed around 3:30, Lincoln started to get more and more uncomfortable. Pretty sure he's finally cutting his first tooth because I got bit 3 times last night {How can it hurt that much without him having teeth?! I'm totally scared for what's to come.}and that's never happened before. Plus he now has a fever. Due to the fever, or the pain in his poor baby gums, or because he really just hates me, we were awake about every 45 minutes for the rest of the night until we both gave up and just woke up around 8:00.

Like a zombie I trudged to the kitchen to make myself a nice, hot, BIG cup of joe. Only apparently I made it wrong or something because the outcome was a cup of sludge that couldn't be fixed with copious amounts of coconut milk creamer and sugar...because that's not allowed on the dumb detox. And I will be damned if I give up on the 2nd day. I hate to admit it, but I am terrible at making coffee. It's such a simple thing to do and yet I can never get the formula right. It's always either way too strong or too weak when I make it. That's why on days with my husband makes me's always a good day. For everyone involved.

We ran out of vanilla extract, and we're running low on green-tipped bananas because well, they're delicious. I'm a weirdo because I actually have always preferred green bananas. Once they've turned completely yellow they're too ripe for me. Once they get the brown spots it's time to make banana bread or toss them. Or now make baby food :-) For those of you that have never done this detox, like half the recipes have vanilla of some sort and bananas. It's all about tricking your body into thinking you're getting sugar when you're really not.

By the end of the day I was feeling so defeated and exhausted that by the time dinner rolled around I honestly didn't care about the detox anymore. I wanted to order a pizza just for the simple fact that I could barely function anymore. We knew that wasn't an option for either one of us so instead we tried to figure out
how we could stick to our new diet without having to spend time in the kitchen. Ethan made a pot of coffee just so that we could think enough about food.

After a good 30 minutes of debating what to do I grabbed a cup of coffee (at 6:00 pm so let's hope that doesn't come back to bite me in the butt tonight) and found some willpower. Instead of going out with a sick kid and two irritable and drained adults I grabbed my go-to paleo foods when I can't think of anything else:  bacon and eggs. Our family's tradition is Taco Tuesdays and I knew Aiden would be expecting a taco of some sort. So we had a random quick breakfast for dinner. Aiden got his breakfast tacos. I had 2 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon, and half of a chicken breast. Ethan had eggs and tuna which smelled absolutely awful, but he ate it while I just stared with my nose wrinkled.

I'm proud of myself for not giving in and just saying fuck it. I really do want to succeed and make it the whole 21 days without a cheat. I'm sure the days are going to get harder before they get better so I might as well embrace the suck. Hopefully Lincoln will sleep tonight and tomorrow will be better. For some added inspiration and motivation I will be spending the evening watching videos from PaleoCon. I'm super interested in learning about all things paleo, especially when it comes to kids - which is one of the topics for tonight. Sign up if you're interested too!

Monday, January 27, 2014

21 Days of Detox And Madness

So today begins the 21 Day Sugar Detox for Ethan and myself. I've been wanting to do it for a while but found excuse after excuse as to why we couldn't do it. Finally I have had enough. I am 3 pounds away from being back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Although that is a great accomplishment in itself that I was able to get under my baby weight about 2 weeks after I had Lincoln, I have goals for myself. The main one at the moment is to lose 20 pounds by Lincoln's first birthday in June. I. Will. Make. That. Happen.

It was getting a bit ridiculous with the amount of sugars we have been consuming lately. Breastfeeding has given me intense cravings - more so than when I was pregnant. The main thing I crave? Chocolate and dairy. My favorite go to snack (doesn't matter what time of day) is Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch or Peanut Butter M&Ms. Delicious, but moderation has become a curse word in the house. Sooooooo let's stop talking about sweets before I go stomping through the kitchen like Godzilla on a rampage. Just kidding it's not that bad...yet.

Day 1 of the detox really wasn't that bad. Obviously because it's Day 1. My biggest concern was what to put in my coffee this morning. Coffee is a must when you've got two kids and a dog to keep entertained all day. Especially when said children and dog decide to all fit together in a queen size bed with my husband and I at 3 in the morning. Fun times. Honestly though coffee without sugar wasn't as bad as I expected. I can't stand even the thought of black coffee so I added a bit of organic half and half, a spoonful of coconut oil, and a dash of cinnamon.

Seriously why haven't I been using cinnamon? It was the theme today and soooooo yummy.

We had cinnamon and garlic pork chops tonight with roasted Brussels sprouts. I wish I had gotten a picture of it, but seriously we all just inhaled it. Tomorrow there shall be pictures.

Tonight as I'm typing this out in a hurry because Ethan's got to wake up stupid early in the morning and Lincoln won't let anyone put him down at the moment, I feel pretty good. No adverse symptoms to report. No terrible cravings. I'm optimistic about the whole thing. We'll see how that goes later on this week.

Wish me luck! Give me some pointers if you've completed the detox before.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

There Will Be Changes

Things can never stay the same.



Over the next few weeks or so this blog will be completely redone. I've been reading some of my old posts and some of them bring back such amazing memories and some of them I just look at and think "What was I thinking?" Do you ever have those moments? Don't lie. I know you do.

Here's some things that haven't changed:

1. I still love writing and I have missed blogging a lot.
2. I am a wife and mom - my favorite job in the world.
3. I am still on a journey to become an example for my children.

Some things haven't stayed the same:

1. I'm a mother of TWO now.
2. I am gluten and dairy naturally we are entering into the Paleo lifestyle.
3. I love working out. Yeah. Me. It's hard for me to believe sometimes too.
4. Southern California is starting to grow on me. Kind of like a fungus.

So if you are interested, stick around and see what all I have in store. I am committing myself to keeping up with everything this time. We'll see how that goes. 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

No Need To Worry

Aiden's new routine every morning is to come into my room, climb in bed, lay his head on my belly, and talk to the baby. Sometimes he just says "Good morning, Sunshine" which is what I say to him in the mornings, and sometimes he carries on conversations. It is the sweetest thing, especially because in the past few days when he talks the baby starts moving around and tapping close to where he is. 

This was his conversation this morning which melted my heart and made me giggle:
"Do you know where your daddy is? He's in Afghanistan. When he comes home he'll probably give you raspberries like he gives me. Daddy is gonna love you when he comes home. Maybe you'll pee on him like all babies do when they're not in diapers. And me and you and Loki are gonna love him."

When Ethan and I first started trying for another baby, I was concerned about the age gap. My dream was always to have my kids no more than 3 years apart. As it took longer and longer to get pregnant, the more I worried. I don't want my kids fighting all the time, but I would like them to get along and have things in common. 

The farther along I get with this pregnancy, the more I see that all of my worries are for nothing. God's timing is perfect for my life. Aiden is the most amazing helper. He has kept me sane throughout this deployment. 

By the time the baby is born Aiden will be five. He'll be starting kindergarten this fall. He has had plenty of time with me and Ethan alone, and has made a ton of memories. I know that there will be an adjustment period, but I don't think there will be much jealousy between him and the baby. Once school starts we will have our own set times to spend together and apart. Each of our kids will get alone time with us. 

Monster has been praying to God for months for a baby brother or sister, and he is the happiest little boy because God answered his prayers. 

I'm so excited to watch the two of them together. Aiden is already talking about how he's going to love and hold the baby, change the diapers, and give baths. He wants to teach the baby how to walk and talk. He is going to be such an amazing big brother. I don't know why I worry. 

Friday, January 4, 2013

Who Knows If I'm Back Or Not But I'm Still Around

2012 was a very rough year for me. 

We moved from Florida to California, which after living in the South all my life was a huge culture shock to me. I hated it here. I couldn't stand the thought of being here for at least 4 years.

When I just started getting used to the idea that I was well and truly stuck here, I got pregnant. We were completely surprised and insanely happy. Then on May 29th, our 9 year anniversary, I had a miscarriage. I was alone while Ethan was at pre-deployment training with a 4 year old that had no idea what was going on. I. Was. Devastated. 

After the miscarriage, I started getting more involved in our church. I was searching for something and I didn't know what, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Saddleback was a place for the healing that I needed. I got myself into a program called Celebrate Recovery, and I slowly started seeings changes in the way I look at life and my past.

In September we went to Texas for two weeks for pre-deployment leave. It was so amazing to be back home surrounded by family and friends that actually care about us. We made some amazing memories.

A few weeks later Ethan deployed and our first EOD deployment began. I have to say that this is completely different than the first deployment when he was admin. EOD is a completely different world altogether, and although it takes some getting used to, I love it. I love the amazing families and how close we get. There have been tragedies in the community this year and I have witnessed how close we all pull together to help one of our own. I hope that when they guys get back I can become closer with more ladies in Ethan's platoon since I won't be the "newbie wife" anymore.

On October 12, 2012 I was shocked to see a plus sign on yet another pregnancy test. Only 4 1/2 months after my miscarriage I was pregnant again.Talk about God's timing, because I sure as hell wasn't expecting to get pregnant. Especially not while being alone again after what happened last time. In fact we had already decided to wait and once he came back we would talk to the doctor about starting Clomid and all that infertility stuff.

Aiden had a rough time getting used to Daddy being gone, but we've gotten into a routine now. We spent Thanksgiving in Las Vegas with Ethan's sister and her family. Christmas was spent together with some very close friends here. It's not the same without him here, but it's such a blessing that we don't have to be alone.

We live for phone calls, video chat dates, emails, and letters. Hearing from Ethan always makes our day better.

The biggest change though in 2012 was me. I have been working on myself both spiritually and physically. I am growing in my relationship with Jesus Christ. My eyes are opening and seeing my past experiences in a different light. I switched to eating gluten-free after finding out that I have a gluten sensitivity and I threw myself into working out, especially after the miscarriage. With two pregnancies, the depression of a miscarriage, and the struggle with PCOS I still have lost 44 pounds this year, and quite a few inches. I look like a completely different person, and even better is that I feel like one. I have an amazing support system to keep me going when I feel like I can't anymore.

Christmas 2011 to Christmas 2012. In the picture on the left I am 13 1/2 weeks pregnant and starting to show. 

2013 will bring so many amazing things into our life. I am so excited for Ethan to come, the baby to be here, and to spend the holidays this year together as a family of four.