No Need To Worry

Aiden's new routine every morning is to come into my room, climb in bed, lay his head on my belly, and talk to the baby. Sometimes he just says "Good morning, Sunshine" which is what I say to him in the mornings, and sometimes he carries on conversations. It is the sweetest thing, especially because in the past few days when he talks the baby starts moving around and tapping close to where he is. 

This was his conversation this morning which melted my heart and made me giggle:
"Do you know where your daddy is? He's in Afghanistan. When he comes home he'll probably give you raspberries like he gives me. Daddy is gonna love you when he comes home. Maybe you'll pee on him like all babies do when they're not in diapers. And me and you and Loki are gonna love him."

When Ethan and I first started trying for another baby, I was concerned about the age gap. My dream was always to have my kids no more than 3 years apart. As it took longer and longer to get pregnant, the more I worried. I don't want my kids fighting all the time, but I would like them to get along and have things in common. 

The farther along I get with this pregnancy, the more I see that all of my worries are for nothing. God's timing is perfect for my life. Aiden is the most amazing helper. He has kept me sane throughout this deployment. 

By the time the baby is born Aiden will be five. He'll be starting kindergarten this fall. He has had plenty of time with me and Ethan alone, and has made a ton of memories. I know that there will be an adjustment period, but I don't think there will be much jealousy between him and the baby. Once school starts we will have our own set times to spend together and apart. Each of our kids will get alone time with us. 

Monster has been praying to God for months for a baby brother or sister, and he is the happiest little boy because God answered his prayers. 

I'm so excited to watch the two of them together. Aiden is already talking about how he's going to love and hold the baby, change the diapers, and give baths. He wants to teach the baby how to walk and talk. He is going to be such an amazing big brother. I don't know why I worry. 

MilSpouse (First) Friday Fill-In #78

Back when I was a serious blogger I used to LOVE Wife Of A Sailor's Friday Fill-Ins. So today after I posted my newest post, after a 6 1/2 month break, I just had to join in when I saw that these are still going strong, although they are monthly now. If you decide to follow suit make sure you link back up!

1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?

Really the only thing I wish could be different for December is that I wish what every family wishes when they're military man is gone. I just want him home. But even with him being gone we still had an awesome last month of the year.

2. What was your favorite thing that happened in December? 

We told Aiden on December 10th that he is going to be a big brother. His reaction was so priceless and was made even more special by Ethan being able to be there through video chat. To me, that was better than Christmas or New Year's or even our wedding anniversary.

3. What are you looking forward to in January?

I'm looking forward to starting a new year. Great things are coming for our family in 2013. Mostly this month I'm looking forward to finding out if we're having a little girl or boy!

4. What did you do for New Year’s Eve?

I babysat for a friend. Three kids, two puppies, and a preggo. We ate pizza and watched movies all night. They all passed out around 10. I stayed up to have a glass of preggo wine (sparkling grape juice) and a Milky Way to bring in the new year. 

5. What are your hopes and wishes for 2013?

I hope that the next few months will fly by. I hope that we have an easy adjustment to Ethan's coming home. I hope that I have an easy labor and that this baby is healthy and likes to sleep! 

Who Knows If I'm Back Or Not But I'm Still Around

2012 was a very rough year for me. 

We moved from Florida to California, which after living in the South all my life was a huge culture shock to me. I hated it here. I couldn't stand the thought of being here for at least 4 years.

When I just started getting used to the idea that I was well and truly stuck here, I got pregnant. We were completely surprised and insanely happy. Then on May 29th, our 9 year anniversary, I had a miscarriage. I was alone while Ethan was at pre-deployment training with a 4 year old that had no idea what was going on. I. Was. Devastated. 

After the miscarriage, I started getting more involved in our church. I was searching for something and I didn't know what, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Saddleback was a place for the healing that I needed. I got myself into a program called Celebrate Recovery, and I slowly started seeings changes in the way I look at life and my past.

In September we went to Texas for two weeks for pre-deployment leave. It was so amazing to be back home surrounded by family and friends that actually care about us. We made some amazing memories.

A few weeks later Ethan deployed and our first EOD deployment began. I have to say that this is completely different than the first deployment when he was admin. EOD is a completely different world altogether, and although it takes some getting used to, I love it. I love the amazing families and how close we get. There have been tragedies in the community this year and I have witnessed how close we all pull together to help one of our own. I hope that when they guys get back I can become closer with more ladies in Ethan's platoon since I won't be the "newbie wife" anymore.

On October 12, 2012 I was shocked to see a plus sign on yet another pregnancy test. Only 4 1/2 months after my miscarriage I was pregnant again.Talk about God's timing, because I sure as hell wasn't expecting to get pregnant. Especially not while being alone again after what happened last time. In fact we had already decided to wait and once he came back we would talk to the doctor about starting Clomid and all that infertility stuff.

Aiden had a rough time getting used to Daddy being gone, but we've gotten into a routine now. We spent Thanksgiving in Las Vegas with Ethan's sister and her family. Christmas was spent together with some very close friends here. It's not the same without him here, but it's such a blessing that we don't have to be alone.

We live for phone calls, video chat dates, emails, and letters. Hearing from Ethan always makes our day better.

The biggest change though in 2012 was me. I have been working on myself both spiritually and physically. I am growing in my relationship with Jesus Christ. My eyes are opening and seeing my past experiences in a different light. I switched to eating gluten-free after finding out that I have a gluten sensitivity and I threw myself into working out, especially after the miscarriage. With two pregnancies, the depression of a miscarriage, and the struggle with PCOS I still have lost 44 pounds this year, and quite a few inches. I look like a completely different person, and even better is that I feel like one. I have an amazing support system to keep me going when I feel like I can't anymore.

Christmas 2011 to Christmas 2012. In the picture on the left I am 13 1/2 weeks pregnant and starting to show. 

2013 will bring so many amazing things into our life. I am so excited for Ethan to come, the baby to be here, and to spend the holidays this year together as a family of four. 

Viva Las Vegas!!

This girl is going to Las Vegas for her birthday!! I am so excited. Ethan's sister lives there so we'll be staying for free, seeing family, and having fun all at the same time!

We plan on going out for my birthday to gamble since the four of us have never done it before. Any suggestions on favorite places to go? We won't be dropping a fortune, just looking to have a great experience.

A must for my birthday experience is getting a drink in Minus5. It has been on my bucket list since I started watching the Travel Channel when I was like 14. It just looks so cool! {Get it? It's a pun!} Everything is made of ice - the seats, the decor, and even the glasses!

So send me some suggestions on the best casinos!

Father's Day A Week Later

So on Father's Day we couldn't do anything I had planned because of Ethan having a PFT and weigh in coming up...he couldn't splurge like I had planned. So we agreed we would do it the next weekend.

Now Ethan really hates getting gifts. He hates holidays and birthdays where people feel obligated to get him anything. I know this. I have known this since we started getting serious all those years ago. And I fight it. I drives me insane. I love that he doesn't expect certain things and there isn't a greedy bone in his body, but it makes me crazy that on occasion I like to spoil him. It makes me feel good. I'm a giver.

This time I decided not to fight him on this. I mean we won't have many holidays together this year, I wanted to make the ones we do have memorable while he's gone. So no presents. Sadly our printer is broken somehow so I couldn't even print out that Daddy survey, but he did get to at least read it on here. I'll have to wait and maybe send it in a care package later on.

Instead of a gift, I gave him a day. I planned an awesome day filled with fun that the three of us {and Loki too} could do as a family. Since you know, he wouldn't be a father without his family. :-) Ethan loves camping and we never get to do it. We went before we got married, but then the military makes it hard to plan these things sometimes and having a kid and all that...we just haven't gone in a long time. Since I have pretty much no idea of the area around Camp Pendleton when it comes to outdoorsy stuff {Did you know there's a Marina on base? I didn't.} I decided to just make it easy and bring the camping to me.

Aiden and I decorated the living room before Ethan came home from work on Friday, and we even dressed in a "camping theme."

Aiden was so excited that we could camp "in the woods." I definitely got extra Mama points for it. When Ethan came home it was time to set up the tent. 

Loki and I were awesome cheerleaders while they boys did all the work. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. 

After the tent was set up I told Ethan that he could pick dinner. So we headed over to In N Out for some good 'ol Animal Style burgers. Then it was time to get to camping. I was very adament about not watching tv or playing on our phones since those wouldn't be out in camping anyways - at least not the camping Ethan and I used to do. Super Hero Squad Chutes & Ladders, Candy Land, and Uno just seemed so much more fun when playing inside the tent. 

After games it was getting late, but I still had one last camping staple hidden in the closet. S'mores!! 

Then it was bedtime for this tired and happy family. Ethan made the tent comfortable while Aiden and I got ready for bed. We all snuggled in with a few books and a lot of stuffed animals. Monster passed out pretty much immediately. 

All in all it was a great success. Ethan said it was one of the best Father's Days he's had. And best of all, there was no fighting about gifts. 

What Aiden Thinks About His Daddy

So it's a well known fact: I am a Pinterest addict. I've given up on trying to deny this simple fact. I simply love the awesome ideas I get - especially new recipes and crafts. So I've been browsing lately and since it's practically Father's Day {on Sunday} there's been a ton of Father's Day questionaires. The answers some of these kids have about their Dads got me to thinking. What does Aiden think about Ethan? How does he view the most important man in his life at his wizened age of 4 years?

So while Ethan is gone I have compiled my own list of questions for Aiden to answer. I was slightly surprised at how in-tune to Ethan he is, even if he still puts his child's view on his answers. This Monster is a smart cookie! I think I'm going to find a creative way to give him the questionaire since Ethan despises presents of any sort. He'll get a laugh out of this, and it will be free. Which is always good with my silly frugal man.

Father's Day 2011

• My Daddy's name is Ethan. 
• He is 14 ft and 4 inches tall.
• He is 24 years old. 
• He weighs 100 pounds. 
• He has brown eyes.
• He doesn't have any hair because he's bald. 
• My Daddy likes to go to the movie theater with us.
• His favorite movie is The Avengers.
• Daddy's favorite restaurant is Souplantation.
• His favorite food is vegetables!
• Daddy's favorite dessert is vanilla beans.
• Daddy's favorite thing to drink is beer. 
• For fun Daddy likes to play puzzles with me.
• His favorite game to play is the shooting game {Call of Duty: Modern Warfare}.
• His favorite sport is fighting {UFC/WEC}.
• At his job, my Daddy breaks bombs when he's wearing his work helmet.
• Daddy likes to wear cammies when goes to work and school, and regular clothes when he is at home.
• Daddy's favorite color is blue. He thinks it is clear, but clear isn't a color. 
• Daddy knows how to shoot guns.
• Daddy doesn't like it when Loki bites him.
• Daddy's favorite animal is a lion.
• My favorite thing to do with Daddy is going on adventures together.
• One day Daddy will come home and sing me a lullaby.
• I will always be happy with my Daddy. 
• Daddy is special because he is my Daddy, silly!

Thursday Five

So I've been battling the ups and downs of depression this week. Loki is sick. Aiden is trying my last nerve. I am starting to feel sick as well, which sucks and reminds me of the baby which sucks more. So today I am going to try to focus on the good. I used to love writing about my week and finding the positive in it all with Nicole's Thursday Five, and I am so so happy that she still has it going :-) 

Nice

Ideal

Enjoyable

Outrageous

Loveable

1. Yesterday my friend Danielle invited me out to dinner with her family and another EOD wife. Turns out I had met her a while ago at a mutual friend's house, but at the time I was so quiet and mousy with being "the new girl" that we barely talked. Turns out she's a new girl too! At least to California, not EOD. It was so nice to get out and have an adult conversation. All five kids even behaved...until after ice cream. There's only so long you can expect a bunch of kids to sit still in a restaurant.

2. Everyone seems to be moving out to Temecula and I can't help but want to move out there myself. The houses are HUGE and gorgeous!! But until Ethan gets back from deployment next year I am trying so hard to not think about it. My friend found a house that is just ideal. It has a yard, a pool, and a built in fire pit with benches...I am in love. But for now I will love from afar. One step stone at a time.

3. I am really beginning to look forward to my days with Danielle and her kids. It's always such an enjoyable time to be able to cook and eat a healthy dinner with someone other than yourself, and then settle in for a good movie. We finished the BBC's Pride and Prejudice mini-series so now we've got to find something else to watch next week!

4. The kids were outrageously bad the other night which sent me into a moment of insanity. Tearing books, poking holes in the wall, breaking toys...I was just so upset and I had been emotional all that day. But in the end, a glass of wine and a few pages of 50 Shades of Grey made it all better. I can't stay mad at the little mongrels for too long.

5. My little Loki has been such a loveable cuddle bug this week! Ever since the miscarriage he seriously never leaves my side. He's constantly rubbing himself against my legs, or scooting himself as close to me as he can get without being on top of me. And sometimes he does sit on top of me. He has been such a therapy pup this week. He has kissed away my tears and has let me squeeze him so that I don't have only myself to hold on to. I love that crazy dog.



If you decide to take part in the Thursday Five make sure you link up!!