Monday, June 27, 2011

Learning To Deal

I'm still having a hard time dealing with this PCOS thing. I feel so lonely. No one close to me really understand what I'm going through or how I'm feeling and I really hate having to try to put everything into a perspective that they can understand sometimes. I mean don't get me wrong, I love the support they are trying to give me, but at the point I just feel like I should be left alone. I want to be normal and I feel like that won't happen for a while. I feel like I'm outside, looking in on life at the moment.

I am in the process of changing my diet and my lifestyle to deal with PCOS the best way that I can. We have thrown out over half of our food because it isn't healthy, gluten-free, organic, or expired {we're really bad about letting pantry stuff expire} and we have replaced it with all of the good stuff. Ethan was amazed yesterday at the commissary. He said, when we got in the car after everything was bought and paid for, that this was probably the first time we have ever gone shopping and not gotten a single thing that was unhealthy or sugary. It's the truth. I'm craving all sorts of sugary things like ice cream and doughnuts, but I'm trying my hardest to suppress them with healthy foods like fruit and all that. I'm struggling, but it'll be worth it in the end.

I've done a lot of research over the past week and a half about diet and lifestyle changes when you have PCOS and I have found that a lot of people are saying that the best thing to do is to eat smaller amounts of food five to six times a day. I've been doing that over the past few days, and although I've already lost 3 pounds in a little over a week, I still feel weird eating all the time. I feel like a pig constantly snacking.

My doctor called me on Thursday to tell me that the lab work came back and they found that my testosterone levels are elevated and she thinks that I definitely have PCOS. I have to go in for an ultrasound to see if I have any cysts on my ovaries at the moment. I've never had a cyst before so I'm a little scared. What happens if I do have cysts? Do they remove them? If so, then how?

It's such a depressing thought that this will be my life from now on. Worrying about food, and exercising, and whether or not I can have another baby, and whether or not I have cysts...I broke down this weekend and just cried and cried. I just want to be normal.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day

Ethan has been gone all weekend doing a motorcycle training class in Pensacola so Aiden and I have been playing and watching movies all weekend. We are missing Daddy pretty bad today since it's a special day just for him. Aiden has also decided that because Ethan is at a motorcycle class that means we are getting Daddy a motorcycle for Father's Day. HA! Ethan hates celebrating holidays like this, but I'm sure if there was a motorcycle in it for him I think he'd hold his tongue :-) Sadly for the boys we will not be buying a bike right now, if at all ever.
But in honor of Father's Day {and so that Aiden and I can look through pictures from when he was a baby together} I am posting a few of my favorite pictures of my boys together. Ethan is such an amazing father. I love to just sit and watch him and Aiden play together sometimes. I'm a lucky lady to have them.

Ranch heads
when he was first walking
Deployment 2009
Homecoming 2010
loving Florida
I mean who doesn't want a picture with Ronald McDonald??

I love you Boo. I couldn't ask for a better partner through all of this. Happy Father's Day. ♥♥♥

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Everything Happens For A Reason

Now that I have had a few days to process what all is going on, I'm not feeling as horrible. I mean yes this does suck, but as I am quickly finding out I'm not alone.

Generally, I am a glass half-full type of girl and as my best friend told me yesterday I need to try to find the good in all of this. So that is what I am focusing on. I told Ethan last night as I was making fun of myself that if I can't laugh about everything then I will go crazy.

I am 21 year old. It seems very surreal to think that I will fight for my health for the rest of my life. I don't think that has really hit me yet. I will be treating this, whether with medication or naturally - or even a mix of both - from now on. As much as I like my doctor he didn't really talk to me much about what happens from here. I think partly because he's a man, partly because he is still an intern, and partly because I'm sure PCOS isn't his specialty. I will talk to him next time on if I need to be seen by a gynecologist or something for this.

What I can say is that right now I am really seeing that everything happens for a reason. I really believe that everything that has happened lately in my life has led me up to this moment: sitting here on the couch, listening to "ice cream" {or slow and mostly sad} music, while my son plays with his super hero toys next to me, letting my thoughts escape.

I dropped out of high school when I was 15. Looking back I was selfish and stupid thinking that I didn't need an education. I hated my school and I hated the fact that my mom couldn't find a way for me to transfer and eventually couldn't find the time to check my home school work.

When Ethan decided to join the Marine Corps I was 16. We knew that after he graduated boot camp I would not be able to move with him unless we were married. We had talked about marriage before with each other, but we weren't sure what our parents would think. In fact the reason Ethan joined the Marine Corps at all was because he knew that he wanted to marry me, but he knew that he needed to be able to provide for a family first. After talking it over together and with my parents, Ethan proposed to me a month before my 17th birthday. He left for boot camp 3 months later.

Ethan and I were married on December 9, 2006. He was 19 and I was 17. My mom had to sign the marriage license for me. He went on to MCT and the his MOS school. I moved down to North Carolina in March 2007 and by July 4th we found out I was pregnant. Aiden was born March 8, 2008. I was 18.

I really think that if things hadn't worked out like that I wouldn't have an amazing, sometimes frustrating little boy. I am so very very lucky to have him at all. Maybe we did everything so fast-paced when we were so young so that he could be in this world. God gave us this gift to be thankful for during the dark days ahead.

Aiden is the good in all of this. He always will be. Ethan and I have been planning on trying for another baby when he gets closer to graduating EOD school, but I'm not sure that's in the cards for us anymore. That's been a really hard thing to deal with the past few days. I'm learning that it is possible to still get pregnant with PCOS, but even if I never have another child I know that I'm blessed to be able to have my Monster.

And then even with me starting my blog a year ago, if I hadn't been frustrated and looking for a place to get my thoughts out, I would have never "met" such amazing people who are already showing me that I'm not alone in this. I would be completely lost without the help I'm finding from the blogging community.

I want to say thank you to those who have already helped me by listening to me, wiping my tears away, and giving me words of encouragement. It really means a lot.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Finally Some Answers, But Not What I Wanted To Hear

So I finally got to see a doctor yesterday here in Florida. I was pretty nervous because of how things were with my doctor back in Cherry Point.

I still haven't had a period since November 2010. No spotting, no cramping...nothing. I've had a ton of trouble losing weight even with weight loss pills. Along with a bunch of other problems, I had begun to feel like a medical mystery. In the end the doctor in Cherry Point told me that it was just stress, which I felt was bullshit honestly. I felt cast aside and I had begun to give up.

Things have been completely different in Florida. I don't stay at home all the time. I have a ton of people out here that I consider great friends. Aiden has a bunch of kids his age to play with. Ethan is loving EOD school. He comes home smiling most every day. We're all just so happy and I didn't want to ruin that with adding the stress of medical problems and everything else, so I waited on going to the doctor right away when we first got here.

Instead, I watched my body and paid attention to what I was feeling. I even started eating meat again to see if it had anything to do with iron levels or things I know nothing about. I wanted to have a good idea of what was going on with myself before I talked to a doctor who knows nothing about me.

I'm so glad that I waited because I went into the hospital on Monday knowing everything that was going on. I knew what all my doctor in Cherry Point had already done, what I was feeling, what worked and what hadn't...I felt informed and in control for once. It was awesome.

My doctor was really awesome too. In fact I'd recommend him to anyone down in Florida going on base. He was super nice and asked me a ton of questions about what had happened before and what was going on now. When he had an idea of what it could be, he consulted with another doctor to make sure he was right. Together they came up with something that fits into every single problem I have been having. And although I really hadn't wanted to hear the confirmation of what I had feared, like I said I was prepared.

The diagnosis: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS

As it has been explained to me by the doctor and then researching at home, PCOS is a hormonal disorder that effects 5-10% of women. It is the most common cause of infertility in women. It can lead to bigger problems like type 2 diabetes, heart problems, and stroke.

I'm not going to lie; with as prepared as I thought I was I still didn't want to hear it. I'm still slightly shocked. I'm trying to find more information. I want to learn as much as I can since I'm going to be dealing with this for the rest of my life. I am starting medication called Metformin to try to regulate my periods and I go back in 4-6 weeks to see if it has helped me. If anyone knows any good websites where I can get some help that would be really appreciated or if you know someone who is dealing with this as well I'd really like to talk to someone who knows what I'm going through.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

It's Been A Year

It's crazy that I have already been blogging for a year. In this past year I've had many people come to stay with us, Aiden has had eye surgery, we went through all of the EOD drama, we almost moved, and then we finally really did move.

This time a year ago I was in Texas trying to deal with friends and family that just didn't understand what it was like for Ethan and I to be with the military. Who knew that I'd really learn to appreciate what we have when we almost lost it.

Aiden has grown soo much this year. He is getting really into sign language and he is talking way more than a 3 year old should at times. He is fully potty trained and has become so independent.

Today Ethan takes his last test in C.O.R.E. and then he moves on to Ground, where the school starts to get pretty hard - or at least harder than what he's gone through so far.

I don't have a lot to say right now, but I would like to thank everyone who has stuck around on here from the beginning. It's been an interesting year and I'm really looking forward to what this next year will bring us.

I'd like to do another giveaway soon, but few people seemed interested in the Scentsy one so we'll see. What do you think?

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Time Has Gotten Away From Me

Man oh man things have been a bit stressful around this household lately. I just can't believe it has taken me almost 3 weeks to write something on here. You'd think that when the stressful things start happening I would run to my computer to put my thoughts in order so I don't go crazy. Not the case this time, but I'm working on improving that. I need the quiet space to put my thoughts when everything around me is going 4458651 miles a minute!

I'm sure people have lost interest in reading this blog because I have been so absent lately, but that's fine. I mean this is for me, not for anyone else. I'm sending these thoughts into the vast internet void, but this blog hasn't ever been for anyone else for myself so I'm okay with taking a break every once in a while.

So to make a crazy super long story a short, my best friend Jennifer and her son Tristan (I've talked about them a lot on here) got kicked out of her house by her mom in a crazy drama-filled fight a little over 2 weeks ago. Because they had no where to go and because Ethan and I love them to death we all agreed that Jennifer and Tristan would be moving to Florida with us. I was going around like crazy trying to get everything finished in time for them to be here. We have the plane tickets booked. The extra furniture that we haven't been using has been sold or given away. I've done all of the research for how to get her her license and get Tristan ready for school, and she even applied to a bunch of different stores.

While all of this was happening, Jennifer's grandma was devising a plan of her own. She came up with an awesome plan to help Jennifer out, while also keeping her and Tristan in Austin, where it really is the best place for them just because of all of Tristan's doctors are there and they know his situation and all that. We agreed yesterday that it is smarter for Jennifer to stay in Texas and let her grandparents help her get on her feet, and after the 6 months they have given her, if she still needs help then Ethan and I will be helping her as much as we can.

I have to say that I am a little bummed, just because I was really looking forward to helping Jennifer do something better for her life. I really hope that by her staying in Austin she can make things work, but I'm worried that the same people will keep a hold on her and she won't be able to do what she wants/needs to for her and her son. She really is like a big sister to me, and I just want the best for her and Tristan. If that is in Austin then that's great.

I'm not mad at all. The plane tickets have been credited to us so we didn't lose any money, and the furniture we got rid of really needed to go anyways. I'm just glad I hadn't started throwing out Aiden's toys yet, although a few of them need to go just because they're gathering dust in his closet.

On another note, it feels like summer is in full swing down here in Florida. The sun is always shining, the heat it barely bearable, the humidity is oppressing, and the beach is the best place to be.

My business is finally starting to really kick-off here and I'm so excited. I love sharing Scentsy with people I know. If anyone in Florida is looking to host a party be sure to let me know! {Or I can always do an online party or a Skype party for anyone out of state}

Today was supposed to be our first pool day with some great friends that we've met here, but Aiden is apparently sick so that won't be happening today. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

How have things been with you in the cyber world? I have gotten on here periodically to check up on other blogs, but I feel like I've been gone forever. Let me know if you're still out there and how you've been.