There's Only One Pink Line...

So I haven't written about this yet because I wasn't sure what to write, but I need advice or friendship or something...more than what I'm getting right now with just keeping it all in.

I'm late. Late, like the four words no single guy {or mother of a single daughter} wants to hear "I think I'm late." Except with me it's not I think, it's "Oh hey I haven't had a period since before Thanksgiving."

As I wrote on here a while back, I was taking weight loss pills, to help give me a boost on this get healthy kick that I'm on. Well I stopped taking them because I noticed that I started getting sick in the evenings and I was thirsty all the time. I didn't know if that was because of a possible baby, or the pills so I quit to see what would happen. Plus if I was preggo I'm sure those things aren't healthy for a little jellybean. A few days later my thirst was back to normal, but I was still getting sick after I ate.

I told my husband that I didn't want to make a big deal out of things because I didn't feel pregnant. When I was pregnant with Aiden, I knew before my body had enough hCG to show up on a test. I just had this feeling that something was different and that there was a tiny little miracle happening inside of me. This time I just don't have that feeling at all. The only reason I even started to question it was because of all the strange things happening to me. If I move around too much I get nauseous. After I eat I'll get nauseous, and even while I'm eating sometimes. My boobs are sore in the morning when I get out of bed. I can't physically lose weight. I haven't gained anything in a few months, but I can't lose more than two pounds either. There are a few other things but it would be TMI if I went into them.

I haven't had my monthly visit for 2 1/2 months now. November 2nd was the last time Aunt Flo showed up. In that whole time I haven't so much as spotted. Nothing.

Ethan is convinced that I am pregnant. He thinks that I just don't want to admit it to myself. So this morning I took a pregnancy test. I woke up and read the directions. Although peeing on a stick isn't really that hard in the first place I would be the one who screws it up. I did the deed, and waited the three minutes. Honestly I was a little nervous and I couldn't turn my brain off. I don't exactly think right now is the right time for me to have a bun in the oven, but we have been talking about trying for another baby later on this year. Maybe there's a reason why I haven't been able to get my IUD put back in?

After the time was up I went back into the bathroom ready to see those two pink lines that would change everything all over again. I walked over to the counter and glanced down, pretending that it really wasn't a big deal and I saw the results. One pink line. Negative. No baby. 

So then what gives? The hormones would definitely be coursing through my body already if I was pregnant so I don't think that it's wrong. I didn't really think I was pregnant anyways, or at least that's what I was telling myself. But really it's so much easier to blame all these symptoms on a pregnancy than to face the facts that there might be something wrong.

So now comes the hard part. The part I want to avoid completely, but Ethan just won't let me. Trying to figure out what else it could be. That means I'm going to have to go to the doctor. Ugh. Do I really have to? What are they going to tell me? That my body just sucks and that I'm crazy? I really just don't want to open this can of worms.