Wednesday, April 13, 2011

ABCs of Lil Ol Me!

Okay so screw finishing writing that post about suicide and depression! I was all for it last night while I was crying and rehashing it all. I had every intention of sharing about literally the worst and lowest time in my life. I have made three attempts at writing that post, but I physically cannot put my thoughts and feelings into coherent words. It's like my mind just goes blank and my fingers forget how to fly over the keys like I am complimented on all the time. {I'm a very fast typer which is funny since I totally said screw the required keyboarding class in middle school.}All I can do is write up until a certain point and then I lose it. I just stare at the screen and will myself to finish, but I can't.

So I'm just not going to push it right now. I won't go into details. I had a brush with domestic violence, my husband had an affair, and if it weren't for the little boy snoring quietly in the next room I would not be here today. Aiden is literally the only reason I am sitting here today breathing, typing, and quietly singing along to Hit The Road Jack by the late and great Ray Charles.

I'm sorry for starting something I couldn't finish. I hate doing that, but at this time it's just not happening for me. Sometimes the mind just blocks out things that you can't handle at the moment, and I believe that is what's happening to me. I am depressed {and pretty good at hiding it} and I think that I am saving myself from a deeper darker depression.

Instead I have decided to switch from such a sad topic to something very easy for me to write about. Me. I've seen this on a few people's blogs and I decided to jump on the bandwagon. I love filling out surveys and questionnaires so it'll be something pretty easy for me.

A. Age: I am 21 years young, although there are some days when I fell about 30.

B. Bed size: A ghetto queen. When we lived in North Carolina we had an extra queen mattress that was Jennifer's bed. We had also acquired a futon right before we moved, so when we got to our new house there wasn't enough room in the house to fit the mattress somewhere and the futon so my husband convinced me to put both mattresses on our bed. So we have a box spring and two queen mattresses on top of the other. He told me when we climbed into bed the first time it reminded him of The Princess and the Pea.

C. Chore you dislike: Dishes. Oh my gosh I cannot stand doing the dishes. I do them because I can't really make Ethan do them for the rest of our lives...well I could but that's just mean. I don't like the idea of scraping old food and it's even worse when they have to be soaked. It grosses me out. That's why when Ethan is deployed I use very minimum dishes and I put them in the dishwasher right away...something we can never seem to do when he is home.

D. Dogs: We don't have one now, but I have decided that when we get to our next duty station we are getting a puppy. I have had one my entire life and if Ethan and I hadn't gotten separated and had that whole drama back in late 08/early 09 we would still have my beautiful chocolate lab. Aiden begs and cries for a dog every single time he gets to pet one, so he's gonna get one. If that means I have to wait until deployment then do be it. Sneaky? Yes. Do I care? No not really.

E. Essential start to your day: Lately it has been an allergy pill. My body and Florida haven't learned to play nice just yet.

F. Favorite color: I really really like black and pink paired together as one color, but not separately. It's like my signature with all my closest friends. And I also really like royal blue. It looks really pretty against my super pale skin.
H. Height: I am 5'2 and I have learned to deal with it. I have to ask for help to get pots down from our kitchen and we've had to invest in a large step ladder for those times when Ethan isn't around to help me reach for things.

J. Job title: I am a stay at home mama and a Lead Consultant for Scentsy. I love working for Scentsy because I don't have to give up staying at home with the Monster, and they have really awesomely addicting things.

K. Kids: I have one little man at the moment, Aiden aka Monster. He is a handful, and a bossy little one, but I wouldn't expect anything less seeing how Ethan and I were as kids. We're talking about trying for a mini monster as early as this summer, but we'll see.
L. Live: I live in Niceville, Florida and I absolutely love it. We've been here for about 3 weeks and I'm already asking Ethan to come back as an instructor after he finishes school. It is so beautiful.

M. Mom's name: Tamara but everyone calls her Tami.

N. Nicknames: Well it all depends on who you talk to. Ethan's nickname for me is Babydoll. My nephew and maybe eventually my niece calls me Lala. My  grandma called me Sugar Booger until I asked her to stop calling me that in public when I was like 14. My Mama has given me many nicknames over the years but the one she has stuck to all these years is Flat Head. Yeah awesome right? She got it from The Land Before Time when I was really little. "You've got a nice flat head, Flat Head."

O. Overnight hospital stays: I've only had two overnight stays so far. Obviously when I had Aiden back in 2008 and then once again when I had my breast reduction in 2010. I have to say that having to stay overnight for Aiden was much more fun than the yucky awesomeness of having draining tubes and all that coming out of my boobies.

P. Pet Peeves: I have a bunch but the ones that come to my mind first would be when drawers and cabinets are left open. There's just something about it that I can't stand and I will go throughout the house and close everything at least once a day. Also I can't stand it when the trash is taken out of the garbage can and whoever takes it out {*cough*my husband*cough*} doesn't replace the bag. Ugh it just irks me and he does it on purpose.

Q. Quote from a movie: "Better a silly girl with a flower, than a silly boy with a horse and a stick." My husband called me a silly girl last night as he was going to sleep and I replied to him with that quote. He gave me a puzzled look, which I am used to. I tend to be a confusing silly girl and I quote movies randomly a lot.

S. Siblings: I have one younger brother named Bryan. We hated each other when we were kids, but now we're cool. Apparently we don't look anything alike really, but I think I look a lot like him. And then I have 12 brothers and sisters in-law. Gary and Hannah, Amy and Nick, Ruthie and Daniel, Levi and Sara, Isaac, Faith, Caleb, and Seth. Family reunions are going to be crazy in the next few years.

T. Time you wake up: Whenever Aiden makes it impossible for me to sleep any longer.

U. Underwear: Oh man I am a panty junkie. Seriously I have an addiction. I can't pass by the panty aisle without getting at least one pair. I have boy shorts, briefs, thongs, g-strings of all colors. Lacy, see-through, cotton...I have it all. Ethan has learned to just not go past there at all costs. I scared him one time when I told him that my goal was to be able to fill an entire load of laundry with just my underwear.

V. Vegetables you don't like: I may be a vegetarian, but I can't eat raw tomatoes or onions. If they're cooked I can handle them, but the flavor of them raw makes me gag. I don't really like green beans either but I have learned to tolerate them because Ethan loves them. Oh the things we do for love.

W. What makes you run late: I truly believe it is in my genetics. My entire family runs late. Seriously. We even went as far as putting the time on our wedding invitations 30 minutes earlier than what when we told the officiant so that my family would all be there on time. Sad? Perhaps, but I have learned to deal. I have learned to manage my time wisely since I moved out of my mom's house and now if I'm not on time then I'm never more than 5 minutes late, which I can {and do} blame on Aiden.

X. X-rays you've had: I haven't had a x-ray before so far. Hopefully I'll never have to.

Y. Yummy food you make: I make really really yummy enchiladas. I'm a pizza queen. I make really good bierocks, cinnamon rolls, and cookies.

Z. Zoo animal favorites: I love black panthers and tigers. I also like elephants and I even got to ride on one at the circus when Aiden was a baby.


  1. Oooh enchiladas!

    I'm sorry you weren't able to finish your original topic. That happens to me a lot. I think most of my posts come out a little disjointed because I've gone off the tracks a few times, and then get off the train at the wrong station!!!

  2. You don't have to force yourself to write anything you're not ready to, it's FOR YOU and is ABOUT YOU, so do what feels best to you and don't be so hard on yourself. Since we're both in Niceville, if you ever want to meet up for a drink or coffee or something to talk then let me know :)