Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not a joke. It happens everywhere and most of the time it is never reported. Although it happens more often to women, men can also be victims of domestic violence. I have friends who have dealt with this issue, and I have experienced it myself.

When I was younger, before I started dating Ethan, I was in a very unhealthy relationship. This guy {we'll call him Freddy} was a freshman in high school and I was in the 7th grade. Yes I was way too young to be "seeing" someone with that much of an age difference, but when you're young you think you know everything. Sadly, Mama had no clue until things got really bad. She had an idea that something wasn't right, but she didn't know what exactly.

Freddy and I had a few mutual friends, but we mostly talked on the phone and online. That's what a relationship is when you're that young, mostly though the phone and internet with maybe a few "dates" at the mall with a bunch of friends or something. Nothing too serious, and nothing to really account for a relationship at all. Even with the small amount of contact that we had he still found a way to make me feel horrible. If I had fun with my friends he would make me feel guilty for it. After a while he started telling me that I was lucky to have him because I couldn't get anyone else. He would put me down, he emotionally abused me, made me feel like I was nothing. He put his hands on me once, but I never told anyone for a while.

This went on for about 4 or 5 months. I just became more and more quiet. I kept to myself. I didn't have as much fun as I used to. I wasn't me and I was so unhappy. After listening to Freddy tell me these horrible things about myself I began to believe him. I thought that I was this ugly, disgusting person, who needed a man to take care of me and tell me what to do. At twelve years old. How pathetic is that?

It got really really bad before it got better, but it did get better. Only after an incident that could have ended my life, did I see what I was doing. I couldn't stand to be the person I had become and I knew that I had to change that. I had to get rid of Freddy and relearn how to be a normal, happy girl again.

Eventually I went back to normal. Every time I hear someone with Freddy's name I think about how stupid and young I was. How I should have told someone what was going on. I still have issue with my body that I think has stemmed from this incident and from a few other things that has happened over the years, but I am stronger because of what I went through.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence don't keep quiet. Don't try to deal with it on your own. Let someone in and get help.
  • One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
  • Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.
A friend of mine posted this question the other day and I was surprised with the people's opinion. Now I'm curious for your opinion.

A girl is backed into a corner with her son crying, shaking and clinging to her legs, and her spouse is in her face screaming and cussing at her. She is scared and angry that he is scaring their son. She feels trapped. She doesn't know what to do and her body just reacts by slapping him as a way to get him to snap back to reality and to stop yelling for the sake of their child. Is it alright for her son's father to slap her back? Not only slap her back, but hard enough for it to leave a mark hours after he leaves? Did she deserve it?


  1. Wow. I was completely moved by your post as my last marriage was 2 years of nothing but DV. My ex husband constantly put me down and was physically abusive. In response to your question, I do not think it is ok for him to slap her back. She was reacting in self defense, he was reacting in anger. She is definitely not in a healthy relationship and needs to get help not only for her, but for her son. Children should never have to be witnesses to their parents abuse.

  2. To answer your question: HELL NO! She only reacted because he was clearly threatening her. While I believe women can be the abusers {they're not always the abused} if the spouse was verbally abusing her then it was self defense. Not necessarily the best option, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

  3. To answer your questions.